Who is the captain, anyway?

“Which of you two is actually the captain?” That’s a question I get asked with some regularity. And despite the fact that I usually try to dodge the answer to this question, it’s actually pretty obvious.

For those who don’t know us very well, let me start by telling you how our family is structured in daily life. As you can read on the pages about us, Roelof and I have known each other for a very long time, we actually rolled out of adolescence together and (slowly) discovered adulthood together. With trial and error that is.

At the time we met I was a student at the MTS Automotive, surrounded by testosterone every day (I was 1 of the 1% of girls at this school). After my MBO education I went on to the HTS Automotive. In that time I have learned how I can and should stand my ground.

In the meantime Roelof and I had moved in together and Roelof followed the HBO study Technical Business Administration. When I got my degree Roelof had a few more years ahead of him and I started working, so I was the main breadwinner of our household. I actually liked this role, after all I am a reasonable control freak and I like it when things go the way I want (and yes I know, this is a quality and also my pitfall …)

And even though Roelof started working after a while (and earned at least as much as I did), I liked to arrange things at home. It must have been a relief for Roelof when he started his own business and was able to set his own lines and despite my involvement, he made the decisions.

Even when I eventually officially joined Roelof in the business, I was the employee and he the ‘boss’. Of course we worked together and consulted a lot, but he made the final decisions.

And in the home situations I did that, that’s how the roles were divided with us. This worked fine.

Yet in recent years we have proven that we can also turn it around. At the moment I am working full-time again, Roelof has called himself a househusband for some time. In the meantime Roelof has also returned to work and takes care of everything at home. Letting go of the household is also something that I can do very well in our daily lives.

And despite the fact that I have the name and the image that I like to arrange things to my liking, I am (as it turns out) also quite capable of letting go, adapting and following orders.

And so it is on board. I compare it to a pack, no matter how tough I am, do, or would be, there is only 1 natural pack leader. Or the Alpha male.

On our boat there is only 1 who gets behind the helm without mercy, knows how to steer a boat. There is only one who has watched YouTube to learn in detail how to operate a sailing boat. There is only 1 who has studied weather models for 5 years. There is only 1 who has enough testosterone to just do it.

Because at those moments when things get exciting, I fall out of character. I no longer stand my ground and I love being able to fall back on natural leadership. To my Alpha-male: the Captain.

And me? I am training to be a helmsman, am trained and experienced galley-women*, take care of the provisioning and try to bring order and structure to the boat household..

A traditional division of roles….. And I LOVE i!.

*Freely translated is Galley-women, kitchen princess on a boat.